What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 00:34
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why did Britain steal Gibraltar from Spain?
She found it foreign!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
How do I get my body in shape?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was 9 years of age.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Which is a better option, a love marriage or an arranged marriage in India?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
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Im still living with it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
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And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
All the time i was locked up.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
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I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
How do I develop the patience to read books?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What AI tool can be used to write exactly in the human writing style?
I don,t even have a pension.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it wasn’t much.
I think the readers, may guess!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I will be 64.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
When she asked me how she looked .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I write beautiful poetry .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We all went to grammer schools
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was in good health!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Would this be the day?
She married twice! .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Comes on , in middle age.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What did i know ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was very sick at this time too.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Put me off passion for life!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i do to all so called friends.?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I waited trembling.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She loved him until the end.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I have no regrets .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So, i spoilt her more .
One cannot live in the past .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was scared of men, in general
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Ive learnt so much.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I couldn’t, believe it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She wouldn,t have been !
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was seconnd youngest,
Who then, do I blame.?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My life is so biszare .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And i lived it daily.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I said to her
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He knew the spot.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It was going to be , some day.
We were not on the streets..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Was to survive, this bastard.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
So whats the point in blame.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
This is soul school!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My family never makes their pension either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.